beautifulchaos

Chicago. It’s not as cool as Toronto… but it’s the best USA has to offer. I hope I’ll be back soon. Here are a few pictures from the short trip. The website is in beta… I’ll start adding captions one of these days… until then, just read the descriptions beneath them…

1 and 2: These are horses! They are not at all related to dragons… However, these horses were photographed on the farm where Dungeons and Dragons was created. A friend of mine’s (Megan) mother mother owns the place.
3: Just me… playin’ a fool.
4: Some dude rode by on his bike. I almost didn’t take this picture! He was so fast.
5-8: Downtown Chicago. Where the many important people do important things.
9: This is a self portrait. There was this dummy in a store window. I matched my silhouette with the money bag and his mask. That’s my get-away van over there…

Now… let’s get to the story that most of you won’t read… because it contains something very scary to Americans: words.

Alright… The trouble with Chicago is that it’s next to Wisconsin. Wisconsin contains a very dangerous man… but how did I get to Chicago… and Why was I in Wisconsin?
A couple of months ago Daniel had an epiphany, “Florida is the state of supreme sucktitide!” he said (or something like that)… It wasn’t an actual epiphany, for we were already well aware of Florida’s sucktitude. He, however, decided to do something about it: move… If you love Florida, please do not send angry letters… Instead go eat a bee hive! I hear it cures you of living!

We found ourselves on the way to Chicago just after several delicious beet centered dishes with his Russian family. We left at around 11:30 PM Thanksgiving. Taking turns driving, we were able to reach the Smoky Mountains by the next morning. Neither of us had slept much so we figured an expert-class, 8 mile hike was in order. I didn’t take many pictures as we jogged most of the slick path… the other hikers were shooting us some funny looks.

We made it to Chicago just after 12AM the next day. Just as we reached the city we noticed this car doing some “fancy driving”… This incredibly intelligent drunk individual was slamming into guard rails and concrete medians. I’m not sure if it makes me a bad person… but we had a good laugh over his stupidity. If he made it home he probably woke up the next day and was like, “Dude, what the hell happened to the car?!”
The stay in Chicago was cool… We ventured over to Wisconsin with Dan’s girlfriend, Megan.

So… Here’s the trouble with Wisconsin… this dude… On one trip to Wisconsin with Megan I noticed a very interesting tree standing alone in this giant field. Now, I could have taken a picture of it from the road, and it would have been completely legal for me to do so. But, I decided to go chat with the land owner and ask permission. I figured it might lead to some interesting conversation as this usually does… Well… this was interesting.

Every privacy sign you could possibly imagine was posted on the driveway to the house: “Attack Dogs Will Eat You!!!” “Leave Now!” etc… We also noticed several very “republican” signs hanging everywhere… While I’m not political at all, I usually associate these type of signs with simple, church attending folks… but there was still something ominous in the air.
We decided to leave… I was practically looking for snipers on the roof. … It was too late… This well dressed, clean looking, man in his 60’s pulled up behind us in his Cadillac, blocking our escape. I quickly threw on a sweatshirt to cover my death metal t-shirt and removed my “hoodlum” beanie.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he said as he snapped pictures with a disposable camera. My psycho alarm had already gone off, so I relaxed and decided to chat.

I calmly explained that I would like to take a picture of the tree… I could see it in his eyes. “Clever, a spy disguised as a stupid photographer,” he though. “Right, what’s so special about my tree? There’s 200 billion trees in this damn state, why do you want my tree?” He yelled.
I smiled. “What are you laughing at, I don’t think you understand something, kid. I’m your worst f*cking nightmare!” He faired at me.
“I’m not trying to be hostile sir-”

“Well, I am hostile, I’m a f*cking animal!” His eyes were wild. “I’ve got guns! I’m your worst nightmare.”

He clearly had no guns on his person… perhaps in the car… but there was no way I was gonna let him go back to that Cadillac… It was lunacy. He was threatening someone twice his size and half his age who was being a nice guy! I tried not laugh but a chortle escaped.

“You think you punk kids can come around here with your converse shoes and…” He continued yelling… He eventually confesses the reason for his nearly psychotic paranoia. A number of years back, someone broke into his house and killed his parents. I interrupted him with a firm tone and explained that I had respect for him for the way he was protecting his family. I continued to explain a bit about my beliefs (which I made sure were in line with his)… He was still hostile but began to calm. He still seemed as though he might recoil and strike.
“Sir, if you don’t mind, I’d like to be on my way.” I figured I’d better go before he tried something, which would have forced me to bend his arm in an inconvenient fashion.

On the way out I decided to check his mailbox… later I could check out the address online and find out who this guy was… maybe learn a bit about what made him the way he was… The numbers had been removed from his mailbox… and house. Then he turned invisible! … kidding…

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